he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
