If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
