Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She bit a glass in half.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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