he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
