when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
