omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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