I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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