allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
