my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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