in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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