Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
