I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
