Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize