You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
