Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
