Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
