...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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