Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
