Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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