the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
