You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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