seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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