i need an iv and a liver transplant
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
