I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
