When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
