So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
smell my finger.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
