i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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