I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
