I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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