we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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