My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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