we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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