my mouth tastes like poor choices
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
