I think I am morally bankrupt
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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