allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
