trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
