We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
