Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
