I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
