Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
