we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
