Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
