I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize