I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
