have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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