But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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