I wish I could teleport
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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