I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
