dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
