Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
