he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
