Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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