TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
