mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
