you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
