where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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