I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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