Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
