so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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