ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
