Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
