its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize