Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
