Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
