She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
