We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
me + whiskey = a bad person
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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