Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize