While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
