Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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