covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
