You're completely useless in the revolution.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
