im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
