JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
