shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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