So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Bring me that man meat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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