You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
