The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
