It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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