the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
