I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
