My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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