It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize