I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
