you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
