Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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