i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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