In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
