last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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