tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
