The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
