im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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