Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
