Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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