i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
