So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
