Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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