the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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