so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
