discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
