There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Umm I'm too high to move.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
