dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize