she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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