apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
